Periodically someone will write to me telling me I've won hundreds of thousands of dollars. I think I am probably the luckiest person on the internet. To date, my net worth is over two billion dollars. You'd have thought I was rich enough - but good fortune has smiled on me yet again, and this time I've won the Ontario Lottery (even though I never entered it). Naturally, I wrote back quickly in case they decided to email someone else and offer them the $800,000 in exchange for their bank details ...
Dear Mr. Howard,
OMG! I received your email last night but have only just stopped shaking enough to reply. I’ve never won anything before – and believe me, I’ve tried. Lottery tickets, scratch cards, greyhound racing, slot machines – I’ve (frequently) tried the lot. I even put £300 down on the no.5 crab during a crab race in St. Lucia eight years ago. Unfortunately, he was beaten ‘by a claw’ by a rather sprightly no.8 crab. I still say drugs were involved (the winning crab just looked too ripped for it to be natural) but go prove it.
Anyway, I am beside myself with joy that the one time I haven’t actually entered a competition/placed a bet, I’ve WON! And not just a tenner on the scratchies – it’s a whopping $800,000 this time. I’ve just worked it out and that’s 509,252.74 GBP (the exchange rate isn’t as good as it could be, but I can’t complain).
I know they say you shouldn’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched, and my wife has told me to calm down and not make any plans until I have the money in my bank account – however, I do feel a small celebration is in order. I have, therefore, planned a little party for this weekend. I’ve hired a stately home and will be laying on limos for all my mates. I’m ordering in 158 crates of Pol Roger Champage and have booked One Direction to play. They’re looking in their diary and are going to get back to me – although if they can’t make it, I have heard that Jedward are free.
So, just to check – when will the money get into my bank? I’ve already gone quite overdrawn paying for the Champagne, and I believe both One Direction and Jedward require paying up-front (I suppose they don’t want to risk people dancing all night to I Want Candy and then legging it five minutes before they finish their set).
Anyway, please let me when I will be receiving my $800,000 (I’m so excited). In the meantime, here are the details you require.
Full Name: Ewan Ouzarmi
Country: United Kingdom
Country of Resident: England
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Telephone no: 0773957323
Occupation: Bank teller
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